Taking a walk

I took a walk about 9-10 years ago. It was on one of those nights when I can't sleep. I remember how I felt that night. I felt good that night. Like really GOOD.

Because for the last 12 months prior to that walk I was constantly depressed. A close friend, who after spending his last moments with me committed suicide. I guess I could not forgive myself. I guess I could have done more? I guess many things and it all happened about a year before that walk.

But that night I felt good. Peaceful. Because Jesus found me. He found me when I needed Him most.

I still can remember the walk clearly that night. (I was about 2 months old as a christian maybe?) It was about 12:20am. I was smiling to myself. My feet had a bounce and the cool breeze of midnight felt just right. I must be humming a tune to myself because I was just happy. I just learned how to talk to God and I must be having a great conversation with Him because the 20mins I walked to the 7-eleven seemed to pass so quickly.

At 7-eleven I bought myself a pack of 20s reds (Marlboro) because besides being happy, I could need a smoke. Hehehe, yes besides being happy with myself, I needed a fag.

The long awaited fag was good at first draw. But I certainly missed the Bensons in UK or Marlboros in Singapore, they were just much finer :) Those of you know who knows, know what I mean :)

So as I walked home, I smoked all the way (it's called chain smoking sometimes :) ) while talking to God. Yes, you can still talk to God while you're smoking! I remembered an interesting question He asked me halfway through which caught me by surprise. He asked me why am I still smoking?

I replied, I dunno. Er.. it satisfy? Right?

He asked again, does it really?

I know what He meant. Because before I found him 2/3 months prior, nothing satisfy. But with Jesus, my thirst was quench. I was just happy. My heart of 'full'. I was just so low before... but at that point nothing could be better.

So He said something like, you know eric, ciggis don't satisfy you anymore from now on.. not like last time. You don't need it Eric. I mean think about it Eric?

Ooohh.. He got me there :) I agree with you Jesus I replied. I threw the stick I was smoking and the remaining of the pack. Laughing I told him why haven't I thought about that sooner. We continued talking as I walk home.

That was it. That's how I remembereed the last packed of ciggis I smoked as a smoker. (I didn't have much redrawal after that either :P ) God has been so kind to me.